Have you ever done something really poorly, only to find out later it was important to someone else that you do it well?

Who Pays the Bills?

I got married at the ripe age of 20. I was full of maturity and wisdom at that point in my life. Or not so much.

As with any marriage, we had our bumps early on. One of those came to head with finances. For both my wife and I, our fathers handled the money. So we kind of assumed that finances would be my job. With one small problem…I tended to view due dates as suggestions.

Needless to say, our bills did not always get paid on time, and it would stress my wife out (understandably so!). Eventually we had a conversation and came to the realization that she would be the better choice of the two of us to handle paying bills. And that has proved to be true for the two decades since.

Understanding expectations can be a relationship saver. But un-communicated expectations can go the opposite way. We both had an expectation that I should be the one to pay the bills, but we never really talked about the reality of that until we felt the pain.

Learning to communicate expectations (and adjust accordingly) can be a life saver in relationships, and in leadership.

If you find yourself in charge of a group of people, or in leadership of any sort, have you taken time to clearly communicate your expectations? In other words, as a youth minister, if I were to ask your student leaders what you expect of them, what would their answer be? What about your adult volunteers?

If you’re not a youth minister, but you are in charge of a group of people in some way, what would their answer be?

I had a friend recently share with me a saying they use at his work: to be clear is to be kind.

Today, let’s talk about three benefits of communicating expectations, specifically in a youth ministry setting.

3 Benefits of Communicating Expectations

First, communicating expectations forces you to simplify your expectations. What makes the game Uno so much fun? The rules are simple. Draw, discard, next turn, draw, discard, next turn, draw, discard, next turn, uno. If you play a variation, the card tells you what to do. On the other hand, if Uno had an instruction manual instead of an instruction sheet, you would likely move to a simpler game.

In order to effectively communicate expectations, you need to learn to simplify. Having 17 expectations isn’t easily accomplished. Narrowing down your expectation to 1 to 3 things helps you and the people you lead. Spend the time narrowing your own expectation and everyone benefits.

Second, communicating expectations clarifies the goal for the team. Have you ever walked into a situation and not known what to do? Maybe you felt lost or alone, so what did you do. If you’re anything like me, you likely isolated yourself to some degree.

The same is true for adult volunteers and student leaders. If you don’t communicate expectations, they get to set the goal of your time together. Communicating expectations doesn’t have to be an activity of rigidity, but one of clarity. If an adult walks in and knows they are expected to engage in a conversation with a kid, they are more likely to do that. If a student leader knows they’re expected to share how they answered the three questions, they move with more purpose.

Finally, communicating expectations, helps you know if you have the right expectations. Progress in youth ministry is slow and takes time. But if you’re well into a focus and are not seeing the growth you’d like to see, maybe you need to re-evaluate your expectations. Even the exercise of communicating expectations becomes a tool used for evaluation and growth.

The freedom here is you don’t have to nail it the first time. About 7 months into the third church I served, I sat down with the kids and adults and admitted I came in with the wrong mindset. I apologized, adjusted, and moved forward with the ministry. Moving the wrong the direction doesn’t have to be the end of the world.

Put It to Work

Think of a pain point in your leadership. It may be a program that’s not growing, a rogue volunteer, disengaged students, or any range of other situations. Is the pain due to a lack of communicated expectations? Is there something to do to correct the shortcoming on your end?

Not every pain point will be due to un-communcated expectations, but I’m guessing you, like me, have one or two spots where clarity would pay dividends.

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