Author: wes

Make These Three Decisions Today To Unlock Your Leadership

We all face an abundance of decisions during the day. Some of those are as simple as what to wear, what to eat, when to eat and so on. But some decisions take a little more intentionality and thought.

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We all face an abundance of decisions during the day. Some of those are as simple as what to wear, what to eat, when to eat and so on. But some decisions take a little more intentionality and thought.

Today I would like to share with you a simple framework to help you unlock your leadership throughout your day. These are not the end all questions, but they do put us in a place where we are willing to meet the needs that arise around us.

  1. Is This A Situation Where I Need To Be First? Sometimes we meet an opportunity and find ourselves waiting for the response of others. But what if you need to be first? Be the first to send the text or email, to make the phone call, to start the conversation, to acknowledge the problem, or to meet the need? Sometimes leadership is as simple as making the first move and letting people around us respond accordingly. Where do you need to be first today?
  2. Is This A Situation Where I Need To Be Second? A few years back I was shown this video, and it has stuck with me. Every leader needs someone who will respond to their leadership. That includes people with whom you work. Maybe the best leadership move you can make today is to be the first person to go second, thus validating an idea or project. Where do you need to be second today?
  3. Is This A Situation Where I Need To Be Last? I am the type of person who hates to leave, so I always find myself hanging around to the end. But being last isn’t just waiting, it’s serving until the end. Be the last person working, the last person making effort or progress. Being last means you’re setting the tone for what finishing really looks like.

My theory is you do one, maybe two, of these really well. Maybe you like to take charge, or maybe you naturally respond to the leadership of someone else. Great. I’m glad you know that about yourself.

Now, push yourself a little further. Unlock your leadership and push yourself to work on the others. Which of these decisions does not come naturally, and how can you lean into that decision today?

Some Pain Needs to Be Addressed

Pain points in our ministries or organizations reveal friction, and friction needs to be addressed. But how do you know the difference between growth pain and dangerous pain?

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One day I started experiencing sharp pains in my abdomen. They were awful. It hurt to sit. I would be driving along and the pain would hit and almost incapacitate me.

So I ignored it. And eventually it healed itself without me doing anything to address it. Said no one ever.

No, when the pain got bad enough that I couldn’t tolerate it, I did what any normal person would do: I googled it. After one of the diagnoses came back as possibly endometriosis, I gave up and went to the doctor.

The doctor poked around a little bit and diagnosed my problem. We developed a plan of treatment, and within a few days (maybe a week), I was back to normal.

Last week I reflected on how some pain is growth. You can check it out here. Today, I want to touch on the opposite side of the spectrum: some pain needs to be addressed.

I tend to have a very patient personality. Playing the long game is one of my strong suits. So when there’s pain in my leadership, my default is to let it linger hoping it will get better or address itself. Once or twice, it has worked out that way, but more often than not the pain is a symptom of a bigger leadership issue.

Pain points in our ministries or organizations reveal friction, and friction needs to be addressed. But how do you know the difference between growth pain and dangerous pain? Here are three questions to ask to help you identify the difference:

  1. Is the pain a result of inaction on your part? Have you been too passive in casting vision, clarifying roles, or leading the way? Where vision is not clear, there is no unified target to aim for. And when you don’t clarify the target (or at least help clarify the target), everything is a possibility.
  2. Is the pain a result of a toxic personality trait? We need to be careful here not to write people off, but understand that sometimes their behaviors are at the root of the issue. The person who arrogantly pushes against authority, or the person who has deep-seated trust issues. These are issues that are not easily addressed, but that need to be covered.
  3. Is the pain a result of poor leadership on your part? What’s your greatest leadership flaw or struggle? If you can’t answer that, spend some time evaluating. I can point to half a dozen negative situations in my leadership over the past 12 months that result from my greatest leadership struggle. It’s not accidentally going away. So what am I willing to do to address it and grow? The same question goes for you: what are you willing to do to lean into your weakness?

Ultimately, any pain we encounter needs to be diagnosed to find the root cause. Some pain is growth, but some pain needs to be addressed.

What pain in your life needs to be addressed? What are you waiting for?

Some Pain Is Growth

As we grow in our leadership, we are going to face situations that are annoying and painful. What’s the root of the pain? Good leadership is not void of pain. Good leadership understands the difference between beneficial (and necessary) pain and toxic pain.

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About 15 months ago I started lifting weights for the first time in my adult life. Nothing too strenuous, but I wanted to develop a healthy lifestyle and thought that was a good step. But not knowing how to really go about it, I recruited a friend.

I’m so grateful for my friend who showed me the ropes. What I’m not grateful for is his approach. I joked early on that he wasn’t happy unless he was miserable after working out. But I’m not sure if it’s a joke…

Ultimately, however, certain pain after a workout is an indication of a good workout. Because sometimes pain means growth.

As we grow in our leadership, we are going to face situations that are annoying and painful. What’s the root of the pain? Good leadership is not void of pain. Good leadership understands the difference between beneficial (and necessary) pain and toxic pain.

So how do you know if pain is growing pain? Here are three questions to help you process growing pains:

  1. Does it make you address something that needs to be addressed? Your pain may result from a weak structure, or unclear communication. Lean into addressing the situation and reap the results later.
  2. Is the pain a result of growth? Maybe what you were doing last year or three years ago worked when what you led was smaller, but as you’ve grown, you need to re-evaluate. Pain because of growth still hurts, but gives you an opportunity to adjust and grow even more!
  3. Will addressing the pain point put you in a better spot? Are you ready to grow as a result of the pain? Push through, do what you need to do, and enjoy the fruit of your labor.

Ultimately, some pain is good pain. Is there a situation you’re walking through now where you need to reframe the pain point from negative to understanding it’s a positive pain? How does that change your approach and mindset?

How to Attack the Question Marks

My favorite time to do something is the second time.

The first time I do anything, I don’t know exactly what to expect. I don’t know how to anticipate what might go wrong. I don’t know the unwritten dynamics at play. I don’t know what I don’t know.

But once I can do something the first time, evaluation kicks into gear.

Here are three ways I’ve learned to attack the question marks.

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My favorite time to do something is the second time.

The first time I do anything, I don’t know exactly what to expect. I don’t know how to anticipate what might go wrong. I don’t know the unwritten dynamics at play. I don’t know what I don’t know.

But once I can do something the first time, evaluation kicks into gear. After going through the struggles of the first time, I know how to anticipate, how to adapt, and what areas need attention. And evaluating is where I feel like I’m at my best.

But before I get to the second time, I have to go through the first time. And in order to go through the first time, I have learned to acknowledge the questions I have about something, and to do my best to answer them. That’s what I call attacking the question marks.

For me, the unknown can be paralyzing. I’m not a planner, but I’m much more comfortable with a plan. So, in preparation, I have to lean into the questions I have as a source of inspiration, not a source of inaction.

Here are three ways I’ve learned to attack the question marks.

People I Know

In March of 2022 I decided it was time for me to start lifting weights, but I didn’t know where to start. The only time I’d ever lifted weights was in high school, so I had a lot of question marks. That’s where Brian came in. He had experience lifting, so we agreed to be gym buddies (that sounds legit, right?). He knew what he was doing so I borrowed his experience and insight as I started.

There’s a good chance whatever you’re about to tackle has been done by someone else. Not always, but usually. Who do you know that you can ask for wisdom/insight/advice? Write down the questions you have for them ahead of time and see what you can learn.

People I Don’t Know

I play guitar. I spend more time gathering knowledge on guitars. I spend even more time shopping for guitars. Not to buy, but to learn. But sometimes to buy.

Recently, I saw a guitar for sale for a decent price, but didn’t know much about it. So I went to the internet. I read posts about that guitar on message boards, watched videos, and did a little research from the manufacturer’s website. I attacked the question mark by using the insight and experience of others. I did not know anyone who owned one, so I had to broaden my search.

Often you’re going to come up on question marks that can’t be answered by people in your circle. Broaden out. Google it. Depending on the scope, there may be books that will help you work through it. But learn to borrow wisdom from people you don’t know as an avenue to attack the question marks.

Just Do The Thing

You might say I’m an information junkie. I like learning new things and about things. But sometimes, the best and most effective way to attack a question mark is to just do the thing. After all, if you’re like me and your favorite time is the second time, then get the first time over with!

What question mark is holding you back? How can you be a resource for someone else? Is there something in your life that just needs you to act? What are you waiting for?

Development is a Choice

Development is a choice. If we are going to grow in our leadership, there are some choices we need to make.

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A lot can happen in 12 months. A lot can not happen in 12 months.

I started this blog in 2017, and wrote consistently for 5+ years. Then, for the past 12+ months, I haven’t written. So, a lot has not happened here in the past 12 months.

For the majority of the past year I was undecided as to whether or not I was on a break or if I had reached the conclusion of the 3QL blog; Until a recent conversation with a mentor where I realized the value of writing these posts.

I grow more as a leader when I’m synthesizing my thoughts into a 300ish word blog post.

Writing forces me to focus. Writing forces me to pay attention for thoughts and ideas that could be new posts. Writing forces creativity. Writing allows me to process situations.

I know the benefits listed above, but what decisions am I going to make as a result?

Here’s the principle: development is a choice. If I’m going to grow in my leadership, there are some choices I need to make. Writing provides that avenue, as does reading, listening, and even watching.

The same is true for you. I know I’ve spent this entire post in a self-indulgent rambling, but I have a point.

Are you choosing to grow in your own leadership development? Are you making a decision each day that will set you up to grow? Are you willing to make such a decision?

Development is different than growth. Growth happens naturally. Watch the weeds in your yard. Watch your waistline. We know that growth can happen without much intentionality. But development is different. The most effective development happens with intentionality.

So how are you being intentional to develop in your leadership?

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