Tag: action

When “No” is the Best Answer

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I think I’m a bit of a unicorn. Why? Because my cheesy pickup line effectiveness is 100%. In other words, the woman to whom I’m married, fell in love with my clever charm and wit from the beginning.

Okay, maybe not. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m 1 for 1.

Rejection hurts. I may not have experienced rejection as part of my only serious romantic relationship, but I’ve been told no many times.

One summer, as I was preparing for camp, I asked ten different women to go as a sponsor, and every single one said no. We were in desperate need, and I felt helpless.

Again, let me say, rejection hurts. Rejection demeans and beats down. Rejection makes us doubt our purpose and mission.

And if you’re like me, the fear of rejection paralyzes you.

I will put off asking a question because I’m afraid the answer will be no, when in reality the longer I wait the more likely the answer will be no. Can you say self-fulfilling prophecy?

One of the things I’m learning currently, yet still struggling to put into practice, is that people are willing to help. It’s just a matter of finding the right person to help.

Sometimes a no is exactly the right answer.

That’s why, as leaders, we have to get comfortable with the answer no. I would rather have an honest “no” than a fake or resentful “yes”. Because when I find that “yes”, they’re going to go above and beyond.

When we learn to push past the fear of rejection and continually work the three questions, our leadership will continue to grow.

How about you? How are you at asking for help or involvement? Are you willing to face rejection for the sake of growth? Is anything holding you back?

Flashback Friday #3

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I find it fascinating how much things change over time, yet how much they stay the same. I’m in a season now where today’s flashback is being put through the fire, and I’m growing so much through it. Here’s a glimpse, or you can go ahead and read it here. Enjoy!

There are downsides to thinking about things 90% of the time–you actually only act on what you’re thinking 10%. That leads to plenty of mental development, but very little real life occurrence.

That’s where the principle for today’s post came into my life. I don’t know if you’re wired like me, but I think there is a little truth in what I’m about to say. I’ve made this my new mantra, especially when there’s something I would much rather just think about doing than actually doing.

Are you ready? Here it is: Start Somewhere.

I hope you have a great Friday!

What’s Your Plan?

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Having a plan of attack always helps me. Sure, I can shoot from the hip as well as most people, but there are some things where having a plan is just better.

When I started this blog three years ago, I did not have a solid plan, other than a topic I wanted to tackle. Over time, however, I developed a plan. I may modify the plan, but for the most part, the plan helps.

When I trained for a half marathon, I followed a plan. I didn’t know what I was doing, other than running, but my plan put me on the right path to accomplish the goal.

Developing Student Leaders is very similar. When I look back over the past 10+ of developing student leaders, I may have swung blindly early on, but as time passed, I was able to develop a plan that moved me in a direction. Yes, that plan has been (and will continue to be) modified, but it’s a plan nonetheless.

Think of it like this: if I want a student to grow in their leadership influence, then I need to know what steps I want them to take. Those steps may be simple, or they may be a little more complex. But they are steps, regardless.

So, as I’m starting a leadership team in my current context, what’s my plan? Pretty simple: raising awareness, willingness, and leadership (sound familiar?), and prayer. I want students to start looking for opportunities to influence a room. And it helps to have a goal.

What’s your plan? What are you striving for? What steps are you helping students (or the people you lead) take to grow their leadership influence? Is there something you need to change? Is there something you need to ramp up? What are you waiting for?

3 Signs to Know It’s Time to Start a Student Leadership Program

How do you know when it is time to start implementing a student leadership program? Here are three signs I’m using.

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If you’ve followed me for very long, you know that I moved to a new church last March. Since moving, I’ve been able to do some reflecting on the transition, specifically when it comes to creating a culture of leadership.

One of my greatest learnings is there is a difficult balance between “time in” and movement forward.

My brother once told me one of his professors talked about a ministerial checking account. Every minister, when starting a new ministry, gets a relational checking account from which they can write checks. Big changes require big checks. But it’s very difficult to add credit to the account. Therefore, more often than not, a minister will overdraft their relational accounts too quickly.

Full transparency: I still don’t know if I’ve waited too long to start, but this week I’m rolling out an introductory version of a leadership team.

I do know this: when I think back over the grand arc of my time in my previous church (almost 7 years total), there was never a grand sweeping change. Everything was done bit by bit. We started with a leadership trip one summer. Then we adjusted the trip the following summer. The next year I added monthly meetings. The year after that we moved away from monthly meeting and toward weekly follow ups (which ended up being our sweet spot).

Developing a leadership culture was a process literally years in the making.

How do you know when it is time to start implementing a student leadership program? Here are three signs I’m using.

  1. You have students in the room. You don’t have to have the right students. Too often we can fall into the trap of what we want versus what we have. Don’t. Work with what you have and you’ll be ready for what’s to come.
  2. You have the relational capital to leverage your own influence. If you’re trying to turn the boat, it takes time. If you’re asking for someone to make a big change, make sure you’ve built up the trust first.
  3. You have a grasp of the culture. I never want to let my experience dictate what I do next. I do, however, want it to influence what I do next. That means I have to understand the culture of where I am, and that culture is different from anywhere I’ve been before. This is always true. No church culture is the same. There is always something different.

Keep leadership conversations going. I am just now starting a leadership team, but I’ve had countless leadership conversations along the way. It’s part of my regular vocabulary, and so when an opportunity presents itself, I’m talking about leveraging influence.

Leadership is Tough

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Leadership is tough. The constant battle that wages war between finding a groove and not being satisfied with where things are can take a toll over time.

Comfort versus progress provide the background for an ongoing tension.

That’s where vision and focus come into play. During seasons where comfort starts to settle into a situation, a clear vision helps me move forward.

Knowing what your target should be helps orient your aim at the end of the day. Having an idea of how to track your success and growth helps you not feel overwhelmed.

What’s your vision and focus for your current context? Do you have one? How are you measuring your successfulness? Ministers, is it attendance? Is it buy in? Is it something else?

As a leader, no one in the organization is as committed to the success and fruitfulness of your area as you are (or should be). Few people you lead lay their head down at night worrying about that little detail that has been rubbing you the wrong way all day.

You carry a burden for the success and growth of your ministry (or business). The burden, at times, feels feather light, while at other times it feels like a bag of bricks. That’s the burden of leadership. Your greatest test as a leader may not be your success as much as your endurance. If you can run the race and remain faithful, your impact over the years gains positive perspective. But you have to remain faithful where you are. You have to remain committed.

So, once again, what your vision and focus for your current context? What are you aiming for? Are you hitting it? Are there changes that need to be made? Are you willing to make the changes?

The reality is that leadership is tough, but you have an opportunity to take a stand and make the kind of difference you’re called to make. Hang in there, and keep expanding your leadership influence.

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