Category: Incoherent Ramblings

The 2nd Question You Need to Answer for Leadership Growth

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Last October we had some work done on one of our flower beds. The bushes that were in the planter box were too big and breaking the box, so we had them taken out and replaced with some different plants.

Now, the fact that I can’t tell you what the plants were reveals a shortcoming in my master plan for beautifying my house, and conveniently enough, gives us a framework for today’s post. Funny how that works, right?

Last week I wrote about the first question you need to answer for leadership growth: “is the desired result worth the effort?”

For our planter box, the desired result (keeping the roots of bushes from destroying the box) was worth the effort. But I never asked the next question: am I willing to do what’s necessary to help the replacement plants grow?

The result? I arrive home most days and hope my new plants are just dormant and not dead. But they’re probably dead. I wasn’t willing to consider the effort it would take on my part to make sure the plants grew, which was a pretty low bar.

The same is true in our leadership journeys. Once we decide if the desired result is worth the effort, we stare face to face with the next question: Am I willing to grow as a leader?

This seems simple enough, but the reality is the two questions go hand in hand. Asking one without the other will only provide partial results – your planter box will be saved (1st question) but your new plants will die, OR you won’t actually do anything because you’re willing, but didn’t exert the effort.

Once again, ultimately the decision belongs to you. How will you answer?

The 1st Question You Need to Answer for Leadership Growth

Ultimately, however, whoever you are and however you found this post, every single one of us has to answer one question before we embark on a leadership journey.

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Do you ever chase mental rabbits? I’m genuinely curious. I *think* other people do this, but I don’t know for certain.

Yesterday, I chased a mental rabbit. But, first, a short preface.

My goal with this blog is simple. It’s the tag line at the top of the page: helping you grow your leadership influence. The framework for that growth is actually remarkably simple: the three questions. I truly believe if you 1) learn to ask and answer the three questions, and 2) teach others to ask and answer the three questions, you will grow your leadership influence.

So much of what I write is geared towards student ministers (who actually don’t read this very often, #fail), but I honestly believe anyone willing to grow can benefit from the ideas and concepts I share.

Ultimately, however, whoever you are and however you found this post, every single one of us has to answer one question before we embark on a leadership journey. Whether you’re debating whether or not you need to take steps to grow your own leadership, or whether or not you need to take steps to grow leaders around you, there is one question that should come before all other questions. Are you ready?

Is the desired result (leadership growth) worth the effort?

We can never grow our leadership influence in the long run without intentionality. It just doesn’t happen that way. No one stumbles into success. No team ever trips into winning a championship. Success takes intentionality. Growth requires a mindset shift.

So, is growing in your own leadership development worth the effort? Guess who gets to answer that question? YOU!

Or, maybe, you know the answer and you’re trying to decide if you should start developing the people around you, whether it’s teenagers or adults, or both. The same question applies. Is investing in the growth and development of potential leaders around you worth the effort? Surprise surprise, there’s only one person who gets to make that call: YOU!

If I may be so bold, let me nudge you in the direction of yes. The desired result (leadership growth for you and those you influence) is absolutely worth the effort. But you wouldn’t expect me to answer any other way, right?

Do You Self Sabotage This Way?

I’m grateful for my wife, most days. But yesterday was different. We were having a good conversation, filled with emotion, and she had to go and ask a question of me I didn’t want to answer. What’s worse, it’s a question I’ve learned to ask her over the years.

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I’m grateful for my wife, most days. But yesterday was different.

We were having a good conversation, filled with emotion, and she had to go and ask a question of me I didn’t want to answer. What’s worse, it’s a question I’ve learned to ask her over the years.

What was the question?

Are you answering “no” for them without ever asking?

Do you ever do this? Do you have a conversation in your head with another person where you either a) ask them for something or b) share something, and then because of the imaginary conversation decide not to move forward?

“They’ll only say no.”

“What’s the point? They’re not going to listen.”

“What good will it do? Why should I even try?”

These imaginary conversations make no sense to me, until I do it myself. Because I know everyone’s heart. I know exactly how everyone will react or respond. I know what will happen before it happens, because I’m smarter than everyone else. Or maybe not.

When we answer no for someone else, we are robbing them of the opportunity to surprise us and say yes. What’s more, we are robbing ourselves of the growth that comes from the exchange. There’s something humbling in asking for help or sharing thoughts, and who can’t benefit from a little extra humility now and then?

So, who are you answering “no” for, without ever asking the question? What imaginary conversations do you need to stop having? What are you waiting for?

Three Years Later

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Three years ago this past weekend we said goodbye to my father in law, Andy Hill. You can read more about my reflections in the days that followed by clicking here. Today, I’d like to share a good memory I have of him.

When I decided it was getting close to time to ask Mica to marry me, I knew what came next: asking Andy for his permission.

I was 19 years old at the time. And even writing that today reinforces how young and naive I was. Not because I was getting engaged at such a young age, but because in my mind I was plenty old enough to get engaged. But I digress.

I reached out to Andy and said I had something I wanted to talk to him about and we set up a time to talk. I was understandably nervous, not because I thought he would say no, but because asking for someone’s daughter’s hand in marriage is a once in a lifetime conversation. How do you prepare for that? What’s the lead in? No, really, what’s the first sentence you say in that situation?

I showed up to Andy’s office and he was talking with a friend. I kind of awkwardly and reflectively sat down on his couch after introductions were made and waited for them to finish.

Then, Andy did the thing I least expected. To end his conversation with his friend, he said, “Well, I better let you go. I think this young man is going to ask to marry my daughter.”

Andy had a way of knowing how to navigate conversations. He could read the moment and disarm it. And in that moment he gave me one of the greatest gifts he could: he started the conversation.

As I wrote the first time I reflected on his life, I don’t have a bow or a principle to take from this. I’m just grateful to have had him in my life for as long as I did, and I’m grateful that I get to help carry on his legacy in some way.

Thanks for indulging me today.

4 Surprising Insights for Growth

All in all, I was grateful for a day to reflect. I’ve not arrived as a leader, and I’m okay with that. But I’m trying to grow.

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Last week I was supposed to be gone, but my trip got cancelled. So, I was faced with a decision: do I pick up the things I handed off, or do I go about my day being present, but not filling my normal roles? I chose the latter, and learned a few things.

Before I share some of the insights I gleaned, I think it will be beneficial for you to know where my head’s at currently. I’ve been in ministry for coming up on 19 years. The last 5 or so have seen a significant shift in my approach to ministry. And it’s no coincidence that I’ve been blogging for 5 years!

The shift I’ve made is rather simple: how can I intentionally train and empower others to grow in their leadership influence.

I’ve done this a few ways. I’ve written 470+ blog posts over the past 5 years that served as real time reflections of issues I was facing, as well as observations of things I believe to be leadership principles. I’ve started intentionally meeting with people for the purpose of mutual growth–reading through books together, watching video series, covering leadership principles, etc. I’ve taught teenagers to ask and answer the 3 Questions, and held them accountable in the process.

All that to say, I’m trying to shift to more of an equipper of leaders around me.

So, the Sunday I was present but had planned to be gone, helped give me some perspective on four things:

  1. The things I think won’t get done without me, will actually get done without me. I’ll be considerable more specific than usual, but on a Sunday morning, I tend to stress out about setup. Our ministry is in a season where we are essentially a portable ministry, so setup is a major part of what we do, and we have very little time to do it (10-12 minutes, generally speaking). I made the hard decision not to help with setup (something I lead every week), and things still got set up. People knew the need and felt the responsibility to meet the need, so they met the need. Key takeaway: Be more intentional about encouraging others to take the lead in setup, freeing me up to focus more on connecting.
  2. We have a good flow. I’m a routine guy, so when I can have a routine and work the routine, I feel good. That also means when I’m not the one up front, the routine is still known and understood. I really like the way we’ve structured our teaching model, and think it helps others when they’ve seen the routine and understand the routine. Key takeaway: continue to maximize the routine, but be willing to change it up when necessary.
  3. We have incredible leaders. The adults who work with students are great. It was a low adult Sunday due to a holiday weekend, but the ones who showed up were fully engaged and ready to make a difference. More than that, our student leaders, for the most part, get it and are willing to step up when given the opportunity.
  4. There’s still room to grow. I don’t think I could miss a month without a hitch, and I don’t know if that should even be my goal. But, there’s still room to grow. There are still people to train, there are still people to empower, there are still needs to be met. We are not there. Key takeaway: keep pouring into those around me.

All in all, I was grateful for a day to reflect. I’ve not arrived as a leader, and I’m okay with that. But I’m trying to grow.

Now, think about your arena of influence. If you were scheduled to be gone and were able to be a fly on the wall, what might you learn? Do you think you’d be pleased or disappointed? Are you holding on to things because you think no one else will do them? Do you need to make adjustments so confusion is minimized? Take a minute to reflect on how you might grow as a leader, and how you can lead those around you to do the same.

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