Some Pain Needs to Be Addressed

Pain points in our ministries or organizations reveal friction, and friction needs to be addressed. But how do you know the difference between growth pain and dangerous pain?

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One day I started experiencing sharp pains in my abdomen. They were awful. It hurt to sit. I would be driving along and the pain would hit and almost incapacitate me.

So I ignored it. And eventually it healed itself without me doing anything to address it. Said no one ever.

No, when the pain got bad enough that I couldn’t tolerate it, I did what any normal person would do: I googled it. After one of the diagnoses came back as possibly endometriosis, I gave up and went to the doctor.

The doctor poked around a little bit and diagnosed my problem. We developed a plan of treatment, and within a few days (maybe a week), I was back to normal.

Last week I reflected on how some pain is growth. You can check it out here. Today, I want to touch on the opposite side of the spectrum: some pain needs to be addressed.

I tend to have a very patient personality. Playing the long game is one of my strong suits. So when there’s pain in my leadership, my default is to let it linger hoping it will get better or address itself. Once or twice, it has worked out that way, but more often than not the pain is a symptom of a bigger leadership issue.

Pain points in our ministries or organizations reveal friction, and friction needs to be addressed. But how do you know the difference between growth pain and dangerous pain? Here are three questions to ask to help you identify the difference:

  1. Is the pain a result of inaction on your part? Have you been too passive in casting vision, clarifying roles, or leading the way? Where vision is not clear, there is no unified target to aim for. And when you don’t clarify the target (or at least help clarify the target), everything is a possibility.
  2. Is the pain a result of a toxic personality trait? We need to be careful here not to write people off, but understand that sometimes their behaviors are at the root of the issue. The person who arrogantly pushes against authority, or the person who has deep-seated trust issues. These are issues that are not easily addressed, but that need to be covered.
  3. Is the pain a result of poor leadership on your part? What’s your greatest leadership flaw or struggle? If you can’t answer that, spend some time evaluating. I can point to half a dozen negative situations in my leadership over the past 12 months that result from my greatest leadership struggle. It’s not accidentally going away. So what am I willing to do to address it and grow? The same question goes for you: what are you willing to do to lean into your weakness?

Ultimately, any pain we encounter needs to be diagnosed to find the root cause. Some pain is growth, but some pain needs to be addressed.

What pain in your life needs to be addressed? What are you waiting for?

Some Pain Is Growth

As we grow in our leadership, we are going to face situations that are annoying and painful. What’s the root of the pain? Good leadership is not void of pain. Good leadership understands the difference between beneficial (and necessary) pain and toxic pain.

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About 15 months ago I started lifting weights for the first time in my adult life. Nothing too strenuous, but I wanted to develop a healthy lifestyle and thought that was a good step. But not knowing how to really go about it, I recruited a friend.

I’m so grateful for my friend who showed me the ropes. What I’m not grateful for is his approach. I joked early on that he wasn’t happy unless he was miserable after working out. But I’m not sure if it’s a joke…

Ultimately, however, certain pain after a workout is an indication of a good workout. Because sometimes pain means growth.

As we grow in our leadership, we are going to face situations that are annoying and painful. What’s the root of the pain? Good leadership is not void of pain. Good leadership understands the difference between beneficial (and necessary) pain and toxic pain.

So how do you know if pain is growing pain? Here are three questions to help you process growing pains:

  1. Does it make you address something that needs to be addressed? Your pain may result from a weak structure, or unclear communication. Lean into addressing the situation and reap the results later.
  2. Is the pain a result of growth? Maybe what you were doing last year or three years ago worked when what you led was smaller, but as you’ve grown, you need to re-evaluate. Pain because of growth still hurts, but gives you an opportunity to adjust and grow even more!
  3. Will addressing the pain point put you in a better spot? Are you ready to grow as a result of the pain? Push through, do what you need to do, and enjoy the fruit of your labor.

Ultimately, some pain is good pain. Is there a situation you’re walking through now where you need to reframe the pain point from negative to understanding it’s a positive pain? How does that change your approach and mindset?

Lessons from the Farm: Adapt for Progress

But at the end of the day, those transition moments were crucial. We had to pay attention and respond appropriately, knowing the long term goal superseded the immediate situation.

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Have you ever had a perfect plan until it came time to execute the plan? Mike Tyson is quoted as saying “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”

Have you seen this play out in your life?

Maybe you’re not a boxer. Okay, most of us aren’t boxers. But the premise is still true. Our plans can make all the sense in the world until we have to execute them.

First, a quick word. April at 3QL means I dig into my past and bring some leadership lessons from the farm. If you’re new, or if you’d just like a refresher, you can see some of the lessons from the farm posts from the past by clicking here, here, here, and here. Now, let’s move forward!

I saw this on the farm all the time. Last week I talked about moving cattle. Well, there’s one thing you need to know about cattle: there’s never a pre-meeting with the herd leader to determine the best, most efficient path.

Sometimes, when you move cattle, chaos ensues.

My dad had a draw (essentially a big ditch that has washed out over time) that runs through his land, separating a few of his fields. At one point specifically, the draw separates East/West and a county road separates North/South, creating a four corner situation with a 40 yard buffer in the middle running every direction.

If we wanted to move cattle across the road, it was simple enough. But if we want to move cattle across the draw, we could never predict which route was going to be taken.

That’s why we would discuss possible plans. Ideally we wanted the cattle to come out of the field and walk down the road across the draw, but it didn’t always work that way. Sometimes they would be moving fast enough that they would run across the road and we had to cross the draw at a different point. Sometimes they would go out of one gate and turn the opposite direction. And on occasion, they would take the most logical path.

But at the end of the day, those transition moments were crucial. We had to pay attention and respond appropriately, knowing the long term goal superseded the immediate situation.

The same is true for leadership. As you lead, you are going to get a sense of the direction and destination. Thankfully you work with people and not cattle, so you can discuss this. But please understand, everyone has a plan until they have to execute the plan.

The best plans on paper don’t always translate. So you have to learn to adapt in the moment. Remember, transition moments are crucial. Pay attention and respond appropriately, knowing that the long term goal supersedes the immediate situation. Take the time to adapt and move forward.

Lessons from the Farm: Save the Drama

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Well, here we are again. April at 3QL means I dig into my past and bring some leadership lessons from the farm. If you’re new, or if you’d just like a refresher, you can see some of the lessons from the farm posts from the past by clicking here, here, here, and here. Now, let’s move forward!

A regular part of raising cattle was “moving” cattle, or a cattle drive. To put it simply, we would try to round up all the cattle in one field and move them collectively to another one. This in itself is an art form to say the least, and one I took a while to fully learn and understand.

On one of my early “drives” my imagination got the best of me. The field we were moving cattle out of had a draw on one side. The draw provided a steep ledge, and cattle could only navigate it in certain spots, which meant it provided a good boundary for one side of the herd.

Except in my mind, I envisioned a stampede of cattle running off the ledge, just like in the cartoons.

As the herd began moving toward the draw, I snapped into action to head them off and save them from the impending death that awaited them. And I was successful. The herd not only turned, they split up. It was no longer one large group moving in the same direction, but now multiple groups going all sorts of ways.

Cue the superhero music.

Except, my heroic actions actually caused more problems than solutions.

Sometimes in leadership, we create problems where they don’t exist and successfully kill any momentum or progress being made. All in the name of being the hero.

The people you lead don’t need a hero. They need someone with a goal.

Be steady today. Understand the goal and help to make sure you move in the right direction.

This Might Be the Best Hidden Gem I’ve Found

Yesterday I stumbled onto a podcast interview with Doug Franklin, founder of Leadertreks.org, and it was solid gold.

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TLDR; Click here for a phenomenal interview on student ministry.

A few years ago I remember having a conversation with a friend who was a faithful reader of this blog. She constantly affirmed me when I needed it, but she was also honest (which was even better). I’m chuckling to myself this morning remembering one comment she made.

“Yeah, when you do your podcast week, I kind of just check out.”

And that was the end of my annual podcast week. Probably for good reason.

But today is an exception. Yesterday I stumbled onto a podcast interview with Doug Franklin, founder of Leadertreks.org, and it was solid gold.

I’m not going to wax eloquently about it, but if you’re in student ministry, take the time to listen to it. As a 19 year ministry veteran, I found myself consistently nodding my head in agreement, amazed at the insight Doug brought to the discussion.

If you’re not in student ministry, but are invested in the health of student ministers you know, Doug provides some incredible insight for you as well!

Enough talking. Here’s the link to the Total Ministry Makeover podcast Bonus episode with Doug Franklin.

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