Tag: patterns

What If We’re Not Satisfied?

you do, how you do it, and when you do it. Sometimes what you do works in your favor, but other times it doesn’t.

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There’s a chance that what follows is something only I deal with, but I’m putting it out there just in case.

Do you ever feel like your habits and routines fall into the space inside of a rubber band? You do what you do, how you do it, and when you do it. Sometimes what you do works in your favor, but other times it doesn’t.

Take for example your eating habits. You eat what you eat for whatever reason (there’s a lot of psychology behind your eating habits and decisions, by the way). You go through life and have seasons where you decide it’s time to lose weight, so you try to change your eating habits. You stretch the rubber band, so to speak. But in trying to change your eating habits, you don’t really change the habits, you change what you eat. Then eventually it’s as though the rubber band snaps back to the original shape. It may be a week, a month, six months, two years (you get the point).

But eventually the rubber band snaps back. You’re back to your old habits because you never really broke the habits, you just paused them.

Just me? Well, even so, I’ll keep going.

What if you learned to break the rubber band? You see, when we break the rubber band, there’s no going back. We change our mindset about who we really are and don’t let the shape and elasticity of the rubber band define us.

This is possible. John Maxwell calls it the Law of the Lid. As you grow (raise the lid), things start to change.

Four years ago I broke the rubber band on my morning routine. Sure, there are times where I may try to tape it back in it’s original shape, but at the end of the day, I know I have a new reality.

What rubber band do you need to break in your life? Does it have to do with a mindset that limits your leadership? Is it your diet? Is it the people you allow to speak into your life? Is it your nightly routine, or your morning routine?

Chances are something needs to give. So go ahead, break the rubber band. Change your mindset and see what happens. Awaken that piece of you that has been waiting.

What’s Your Growth Plan?

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I’ve been spending some time recently thinking about what it takes to grow. On occasion I will ask someone this question and won’t get much of a response.

I think everyone wants to grow, but growth rarely happens without intentionality. Unless it’s weight gain. So let’s take a step toward intentionality today.

What are you doing to grow? Do you have a written plan? Do you have a mental plan? Do you have practices in place to help?

If you were to create a written plan to grow, like a workout routine or training regimen, what would it look like?

Here’s mine:

  1. Books. I’m not an avid reader, but I’m trying to become better at it. I’ve read more books in the past three years than I had read in the previous 15. I listen to a large number of books, but I’ve also learned that I retain better when I actually see the words. I also know that I retain better when I read a book as part of a group, so I’ve participated in a few “book clubs” over the past couple of years.
  2. Podcasts. I listen to talk more than music, so I have a few key podcasts that are must listens and a few that I return to every so often because they challenge me in my leadership development. This isn’t always easy, but it helps stimulate my mind for sure.
  3. Evaluation. A blank whiteboard or yellow pad is my love language. I love dreaming about what could be in the context of what is. Am I doing a good job? How can I grow? What can I change to make something better? What am I forgetting?

I don’t have a written plan, but I will by the end of this week. If our leadership growth is important (Is it worth it?) and we are willing (Am I willing to grow?), then the time it takes to chart the course matters.

Let me challenge you to do the same, and share it with me! We are better when we grow together.

The 2nd Question You Need to Answer for Leadership Growth

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Last October we had some work done on one of our flower beds. The bushes that were in the planter box were too big and breaking the box, so we had them taken out and replaced with some different plants.

Now, the fact that I can’t tell you what the plants were reveals a shortcoming in my master plan for beautifying my house, and conveniently enough, gives us a framework for today’s post. Funny how that works, right?

Last week I wrote about the first question you need to answer for leadership growth: “is the desired result worth the effort?”

For our planter box, the desired result (keeping the roots of bushes from destroying the box) was worth the effort. But I never asked the next question: am I willing to do what’s necessary to help the replacement plants grow?

The result? I arrive home most days and hope my new plants are just dormant and not dead. But they’re probably dead. I wasn’t willing to consider the effort it would take on my part to make sure the plants grew, which was a pretty low bar.

The same is true in our leadership journeys. Once we decide if the desired result is worth the effort, we stare face to face with the next question: Am I willing to grow as a leader?

This seems simple enough, but the reality is the two questions go hand in hand. Asking one without the other will only provide partial results – your planter box will be saved (1st question) but your new plants will die, OR you won’t actually do anything because you’re willing, but didn’t exert the effort.

Once again, ultimately the decision belongs to you. How will you answer?

Do You Self Sabotage This Way?

I’m grateful for my wife, most days. But yesterday was different. We were having a good conversation, filled with emotion, and she had to go and ask a question of me I didn’t want to answer. What’s worse, it’s a question I’ve learned to ask her over the years.

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I’m grateful for my wife, most days. But yesterday was different.

We were having a good conversation, filled with emotion, and she had to go and ask a question of me I didn’t want to answer. What’s worse, it’s a question I’ve learned to ask her over the years.

What was the question?

Are you answering “no” for them without ever asking?

Do you ever do this? Do you have a conversation in your head with another person where you either a) ask them for something or b) share something, and then because of the imaginary conversation decide not to move forward?

“They’ll only say no.”

“What’s the point? They’re not going to listen.”

“What good will it do? Why should I even try?”

These imaginary conversations make no sense to me, until I do it myself. Because I know everyone’s heart. I know exactly how everyone will react or respond. I know what will happen before it happens, because I’m smarter than everyone else. Or maybe not.

When we answer no for someone else, we are robbing them of the opportunity to surprise us and say yes. What’s more, we are robbing ourselves of the growth that comes from the exchange. There’s something humbling in asking for help or sharing thoughts, and who can’t benefit from a little extra humility now and then?

So, who are you answering “no” for, without ever asking the question? What imaginary conversations do you need to stop having? What are you waiting for?

4 Surprising Insights for Growth

All in all, I was grateful for a day to reflect. I’ve not arrived as a leader, and I’m okay with that. But I’m trying to grow.

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Last week I was supposed to be gone, but my trip got cancelled. So, I was faced with a decision: do I pick up the things I handed off, or do I go about my day being present, but not filling my normal roles? I chose the latter, and learned a few things.

Before I share some of the insights I gleaned, I think it will be beneficial for you to know where my head’s at currently. I’ve been in ministry for coming up on 19 years. The last 5 or so have seen a significant shift in my approach to ministry. And it’s no coincidence that I’ve been blogging for 5 years!

The shift I’ve made is rather simple: how can I intentionally train and empower others to grow in their leadership influence.

I’ve done this a few ways. I’ve written 470+ blog posts over the past 5 years that served as real time reflections of issues I was facing, as well as observations of things I believe to be leadership principles. I’ve started intentionally meeting with people for the purpose of mutual growth–reading through books together, watching video series, covering leadership principles, etc. I’ve taught teenagers to ask and answer the 3 Questions, and held them accountable in the process.

All that to say, I’m trying to shift to more of an equipper of leaders around me.

So, the Sunday I was present but had planned to be gone, helped give me some perspective on four things:

  1. The things I think won’t get done without me, will actually get done without me. I’ll be considerable more specific than usual, but on a Sunday morning, I tend to stress out about setup. Our ministry is in a season where we are essentially a portable ministry, so setup is a major part of what we do, and we have very little time to do it (10-12 minutes, generally speaking). I made the hard decision not to help with setup (something I lead every week), and things still got set up. People knew the need and felt the responsibility to meet the need, so they met the need. Key takeaway: Be more intentional about encouraging others to take the lead in setup, freeing me up to focus more on connecting.
  2. We have a good flow. I’m a routine guy, so when I can have a routine and work the routine, I feel good. That also means when I’m not the one up front, the routine is still known and understood. I really like the way we’ve structured our teaching model, and think it helps others when they’ve seen the routine and understand the routine. Key takeaway: continue to maximize the routine, but be willing to change it up when necessary.
  3. We have incredible leaders. The adults who work with students are great. It was a low adult Sunday due to a holiday weekend, but the ones who showed up were fully engaged and ready to make a difference. More than that, our student leaders, for the most part, get it and are willing to step up when given the opportunity.
  4. There’s still room to grow. I don’t think I could miss a month without a hitch, and I don’t know if that should even be my goal. But, there’s still room to grow. There are still people to train, there are still people to empower, there are still needs to be met. We are not there. Key takeaway: keep pouring into those around me.

All in all, I was grateful for a day to reflect. I’ve not arrived as a leader, and I’m okay with that. But I’m trying to grow.

Now, think about your arena of influence. If you were scheduled to be gone and were able to be a fly on the wall, what might you learn? Do you think you’d be pleased or disappointed? Are you holding on to things because you think no one else will do them? Do you need to make adjustments so confusion is minimized? Take a minute to reflect on how you might grow as a leader, and how you can lead those around you to do the same.

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