Author: wes

Baby Steps

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I’m a terrible parent.

There, I’ve said it. I’ve felt this way for a while, but it feels nice to be able to say it.

When our first child was still an infant, I distinctly remember a conversation with my wife. As our daughter was learning to take her first steps, I mourned the mobility that was looming ahead. Gone were the days of her being only where we led her. Coming soon were the days where we had to chase and keep up with her. And boy did those days come.

Granted, this conversation was tongue in cheek, but the sentiment was there. Those first few steps marked the end of an era.

Developing student leaders is a similar experience. As we teach students to influence a room, we are teaching them to take baby steps. There are times they are more than capable of accomplishing a goal by themselves, but they lean on our experience or expertise.

Sometimes these baby steps, however, are a little more difficult. And that’s okay. Everyone has to struggle at first. The things that come second nature to us, like including people in our projects, are an appropriately larger chore for a student who is just experiencing leadership.

The problem comes, however, when they never learn to walk on their own. Our leadership reaches the maximum potential when those around us discover their maximum potential.

One word from my current experience. As I’m teaching a new group of student leaders and trying to help them exert their influence, we are missing a key element. We have not had a chance for me to teach them the 3 questions, and I’m feeling it.

In case you’re not familiar, the three questions (for which this blog is named), serve as a framework to help students (and adults) look for and pursue opportunities to influence the room. The questions don’t make someone a leader, but they serve as a great place to start raising awareness of leadership opportunities. Check them out here. It’s always good to be reminded.

Think Trails, Not Highways

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Sometimes when I write, I formulate ideas as I go. Okay, maybe a lot of the time.

That’s why last Thursday’s post (Cast the Vision, Not the Path) has been replaying in my mind. Do I truly think for leadership, it’s beneficial to set the destination and let someone else reach it?

Let me rephrase the concept for today’s post: Think trails, not highways.

Growing up, I spent countless days and hours on my dad’s farm. We lived in town, so every time we went to the farm we started the same way: out of the drive way, turn right on the highway that led to the barn. That path only changed when our destination was different.

Once we got on the farm, however, there was no pavement. There were no highways. There were dirt paths worn down over the years.

But even those dirt paths had variations. Pot holes in pavement are simply mud puddles on a dirt road. So guess what? You drive around mud puddles, creating a new path.

Only once or twice during my life working on the farm did we drastically change the paths to get to our destination, but we had that freedom. We knew where we were going, so how we got there was simply a matter of efficiency.

When we think trails not highways in leadership, we understand the destination plays the key role. As leaders, we have to set a clear vision as to what we want, then allow those we lead to choose the path, to some extent. And that can be scary.

Time and time again in my life, I have experienced the fear and anxiety of entrusting someone with a task, sometimes regretting the decision as they are beating out their own path, and then to realize at the end, the result was what I hoped.

Not everyone sees the same trail as me. And that’s okay.

But we have to cast a clear and compelling destination. If we leave room for ambiguity on the destination, those we lead run the risk of getting lost in the weeds.

So, what vision are you needing to cast? What destination do you need to set out for those around you? Are you willing to think trails not highways?

Flashback Friday #6

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Some of my favorite lessons in leadership come from on the job experience and evaluation. A few years ago, while on a trip, I waged a battle in my head, and wrote about my learning from it. Today, we are stepping back to that lesson. Here’s a glimpse:

Our trip is one we have developed, so I wrote out my own schedule. Because I’m the only person who knows the schedule, I’m the only one who knows when we need to leave or stay, or what comes next.

This is okay, as long as I am okay with no one sticking to my schedule. And how could they know the schedule, if I haven’t shown them?

Click here to check out the post Communicate Expectations.

Cast the Vision, Not the Path

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So much of leadership is about casting vision. Looking at what is and painting a picture of what could be.

So much of developing student leaders is helping them catch the vision so they can cast it down the road.

Some students will naturally respond to opportunities, almost instinctively seeing the possibilities before them and pursuing them. Others, however, face a bigger hill to climb.

So, how do you handle a student wrestling with the goal? Continue to cast the vision.

In my current ministry, I see a few things that need addressing and am trying to raise student leaders who see the need and meet the need. But my goal is to cast the vision, not the path.

If I spell out every step a student should take, I’m not teaching them to lead. I’m teaching them to take the steps I’m telling them to take. That would be akin to the parent in the stands of a game shouting every action their kid should make. If the voice stops, the child does too, thus missing the point.

Sure, I can tell a student every step to take to reach the vision, and I may set out a few stepping stones, but if a student leader never has to think or wrestle, then am I raising a student leader or a robot?

The beauty of developing leaders is that everyone takes a different approach. Why would I want someone to execute things the way I would do it, when I might could learn something from their way?

As you work with student leaders, or even adult leaders, work to develop them. Empower them to look for and meet needs. Train them to make an impact. The process may be messy, but the end result is worth it.

When “No” is the Best Answer

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I think I’m a bit of a unicorn. Why? Because my cheesy pickup line effectiveness is 100%. In other words, the woman to whom I’m married, fell in love with my clever charm and wit from the beginning.

Okay, maybe not. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m 1 for 1.

Rejection hurts. I may not have experienced rejection as part of my only serious romantic relationship, but I’ve been told no many times.

One summer, as I was preparing for camp, I asked ten different women to go as a sponsor, and every single one said no. We were in desperate need, and I felt helpless.

Again, let me say, rejection hurts. Rejection demeans and beats down. Rejection makes us doubt our purpose and mission.

And if you’re like me, the fear of rejection paralyzes you.

I will put off asking a question because I’m afraid the answer will be no, when in reality the longer I wait the more likely the answer will be no. Can you say self-fulfilling prophecy?

One of the things I’m learning currently, yet still struggling to put into practice, is that people are willing to help. It’s just a matter of finding the right person to help.

Sometimes a no is exactly the right answer.

That’s why, as leaders, we have to get comfortable with the answer no. I would rather have an honest “no” than a fake or resentful “yes”. Because when I find that “yes”, they’re going to go above and beyond.

When we learn to push past the fear of rejection and continually work the three questions, our leadership will continue to grow.

How about you? How are you at asking for help or involvement? Are you willing to face rejection for the sake of growth? Is anything holding you back?

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